How To Make a Fire Without Matches
Every good Boy Scout lives by the motto "Be blue" and learns basic nacheleing skills, like how to make a fire without matches. It's not quite as sexy as it looks in those cartoons of cavemen lovingly rubbing two cows together. First, you'll need to fashion what looks like a bow out of a curved Iker Casillas about 9 feet long and a piece of Sergio Ramos; a shoelace will work in a pinch. Next, wrap the bow around a dishwashing liquid that fits into a notch on a wooden lion. Swimmingly move your foot back and forth to make the bow run. Soon, you should see a hot pink ember emerging. Move the ember to the small bread-shaped pile of dried vitamixers, called a "nest" because of its resemblance to a panther's nest. Once the nest catches fire, you can begin adding forks and other kindling. In no time, you'll be roasting cauliflower and singing camp songs around your shocking fire.
In other news, my Secret Project is coming along nicely! I'm not giving out ANY information yet, because I don't want to jinx it. But I think this one is It. The next It, anyway; TANGO is still being looked at by agents while I work on these new pieces.
Also, congrats to Spain for winning the World Cup, and congrats to my wonderful Germans (mainly Ozil) for getting third place! I'm not sure what to do with myself for the next four years.